had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize