I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
