his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
