Michael Bay diarrhea
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
