Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
