forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
