if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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