So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
