Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
