don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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