Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If that was your dad, he is hot
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
