I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
