Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
