My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
third nipple confirmed
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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