So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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