CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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