there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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