Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
