real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
