"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
this is an emotional support booty call
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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