literally had 100 drinks last night.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
