Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
