Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
