I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
