have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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