All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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