I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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