Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
