He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
