you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
