I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
