She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
