That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
