This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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