Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
