He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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