my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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