I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
