My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
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