oh fat girl friday strikes again...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
