Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my being single is dangerous.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
