I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
