Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
