On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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