Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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