Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
