ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
