Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
