You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The best revenge is premature balding
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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