Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
