you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
