im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
