omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
