:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
