Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
