My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There was a lot of him and a little penis
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
