I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Randomize
