Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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