Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
