I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
