Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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