he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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