I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
