i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
