She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
