I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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