I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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