Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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