I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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