I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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