Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
