Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
