I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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