Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you would pick up someone in the library
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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