i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
