I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
